20

No, this isn't another countdown post. Just wanted to say that A called me 20 minutes after I posted that (no, he doesn't know about or read my blog). We talked, he apologized, I apologized. Things are better. We've got a ways to go before things are totally OK between us, but we're heading in the right direction and are starting to understand each other a bit better.

The conference I went to was awesome. My presentation went well and was well received. It was good warm up for the next conference in April where I will be presenting in front of about 100 people.

14

That's how many days it's been since I've heard from my firstborn. (Actually it's 20010 minutes, but who's counting?)

13 - that's how many nights I've had trouble sleeping.

12 - that's how many times I've picked up the phone to try to call him.

11 - that's how many times I've alternated between sad and mad about the situation

10 - that's how many times my younger children have asked where A is and when he's coming back and I've choked out a vague "I don't know" as another small piece of my heart broke off.

9 - that's how many days our trip was

8 - that's how many days of the trip A was going to be with us

7 - that's how many pictures N has drawn for her older brother to tell him she misses him

6 - that's how many letters are in his father's last name that he has apparently started using on his facebook page (according to a friend of mine's daughter who saw his facebook page yesterday). His father and I never married so A's last name is my maiden name.

5 - that's how many minutes it's been since I last cried about this whole situation

4 - that's how many emails I've started writing to him and then deleted because I know he won't read them

3 - that's how many minutes ago he signed onto AIM

2 - that's how times he emailed me addressing me as "Mrs. L____" since we had that blow up on Christmas Eve. (One was to tell me he wasn't going on vacation with us and the other was to request his eticket numbers to request a refund on his airline tickets).

1 - that's how many hours I have to pull myself together before my boss picks me up to go to a conference where I'm supposed to speak in front of 50 people tomorrow.

Guess I'd better finish getting ready. Wish me luck.